what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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