There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
