Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Green mimosas i think yes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
