can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
you never un-have a 4some
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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