so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize