Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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