Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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