drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
