I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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