Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
