so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
