Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
