I think i peed on brittanys purse
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
