and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
