He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
