My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
