Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
