We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
