My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just found out that she named her cat after me.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize