am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
