get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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