went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
