Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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