yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
