you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He passed out mid-signature
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
