he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
