You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
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