girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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