there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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