Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize