I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
