happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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