I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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