What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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