god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
