New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
