somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
