As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
