Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
