you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
