Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
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