Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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