I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
