Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
