wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
