I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Houston, we have a blender
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize