community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You ate ashes out of my bong
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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