the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
