ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT

  Fav 20 5658 1379

  share tweet
  

• (908): View more from New Jersey

  Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Fuck I'm high.

  Fav 56 2062 3727

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (443): View more from Maryland

  Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway

  Fav 15 3939 1165

  share tweet
  

• (904): View more from Florida

  Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?

  Fav 25 5027 2812

  share tweet
  

• (410): View more from Maryland

  Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.

  Fav 5 1215 2760

  share tweet
  

• (334): View more from Alabama

  If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes

  Fav 7 2549 1095

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (420): View more from

  It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.

  Fav 6 1716 659

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  You want anything?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gatorade and you naked.

  Fav 10 3991 991

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest

  Fav 3 1043 521

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night

  Fav 0 784 644

  share tweet
  

• (907): View more from Alaska

  ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING

  Fav 7 1409 604

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (732): View more from New Jersey

  You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?

  Fav 2 982 511

  share tweet
  

• (323): View more from California

  All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again

  (424): View more from California

  I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill

  Fav 1 1040 784

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  We're like a dynamic duo.

  (1-647): View more from Ontario

  Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.

  Fav 4 1124 593

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.

  Fav 0 72 23

  share tweet
  

Randomize