I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
