The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
