Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
