I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
