if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
