Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize