please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
