I hate your face
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
