either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
