dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
