So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize