No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
