she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
