absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
