i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
