I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
