He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
