Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
