We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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