Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
